14 Comments
User's avatar
Steven Brett Shaklan's avatar

I’m no medical expert and don’t want to steer you wrong, but by way of comfort, I can say that for me, fifty has brought with it some unwanted, but benign changes. I’ve embraced the term “manscaping.”

Expand full comment
Neri Zahav's avatar

I was raised in a pretty oppressive/repressed family where we didn't even talk about puberty.

Since then, my mom has had her own "becoming" and now is the true free spirit she was meant to be (correlation isn't causation but I will say it happened around menopause).

I now make her talk about growing older *all the time*. She's in her mid-60's. But the communal deprivation is REAL and I feel like as much as I love her knowledge, I'm missing the hive mind.

For my body, my soul, my parenting, my marriage, my life atlarge.

Expand full comment
Nina B. Lichtenstein's avatar

I have a thought about all of us not being prepared for this, and feeling betrayed/left in the dark: Once we stopped living in generational community, with mothers, aunties, sisters, daughters essentially telling stories and giving advice over the simmering stew, we lost all those goodies of life knowledge that had been natural to share from generation to generation. In modern times, when we all live in our own little isolated "castles" all about our own "our privacy" and "my space." We think this is all about progress, but I think we have lost out, big time. And, when we do spend time with our mothers, sisters, aunties, girlfriends, we have less time and spend it "catching up" on "achievements" and "events" more than having time to share stories, know-how, experience, etc.

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

This makes sense. I also felt similarly about pregnancy and breastfeeding. I remember when a brown line suddenly appeared down my swollen abdomen. Nobody had ever spoken of this. And the surprises kept on coming.

Expand full comment
S.J. Schwaideslon's avatar

Never mind the chin hairs or the groaning like an old person when I get outta bed in the morning. I never know what my body is gonna do next, so every day is an adventure. The difference is that this time around, I'm looking forward to the adventure in a way I never did at 13.

I attribute that to my late husband calling me Peterina Pan; the boys pretty much agree that hasn't changed. I wear yoga pants and hoodies all the time, but I do clean up okay for special occasions. My snark remains intact, my eye-rolling still works really well. The guys don't trust me to go to demonstrations, and try to ignore my current event/socio-political blog, The Wifely Person Speaks even though I have readers across the globe. Both figure I'm gonna get arrested by the thought police eventually. But I'm okay with that.

So far, my pre-teen granddaughter thinks I'm pretty radical for a Savta (she said so) and I am my 7-year old grandson's BFF (he said so.) I just wanna be the artsy, unpredictable grandmother and everyone else can just bite me. So there.

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

Love it! I’m in my yoga pants every day too. Your grandkids are lucky. ❤️🥰😘

Expand full comment
Karen Maloy's avatar

I did NOT come here to offer anything even remotely close to medical advice, I am here to join in your lament: NO ONE PREPARED US FOR THIS TIME IN OUR LIVES. Seriously, it's the same phenomenon I experienced when pregnant, and the same weird feeling of betrayal. I want to yell at all the people I know who have passed through this transitional phase into their Happy Golden Years: "YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS AND DIDN'T TELL ME?!" But I guess if they had I would have just rolled my eyes and thought "I'll never complain like THEY do." This is why it keeps happening.

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

Hahaha! Someone told me that a woman’s bladder can fall out of her vagina and I’m now hopping around with my legs crossed instead of walking…

Expand full comment
Jodi Sh. Doff's avatar

I’m going to guess he was given some prednisone. Pretty common. It’s a cure all for many things and speeds healing. Also, hair growth. By the time I was well enough to sit up in my hospital bed years ago I was MORTIFIED to find a beard had sprouted on my delicate girl chin! Luckily, getting off the steroids ended that. Check his meds.

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

I don’t recall prednisone on his list, but there were so many meds at first…who can remember?!!

Expand full comment
Sara Lieberum's avatar

My dermaplaner won’t take my white hairs off my neck. I pluck them with a 10x magnifying lighted mirror. The older I get I realize I’m fighting a losing battle. Eventually we have no fucks left to give. 🤷‍♀️

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

Oy vey! He’s going to need some serious tweezers.

Expand full comment
Sara Lieberum's avatar

Get him the one with the built in light!!

Expand full comment
Jen Gilman Porat's avatar

YES!

Expand full comment