As a moral rule, a mentally as well as a physically sound future should be every child’s foremost fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. Yet, many people still hold a misplaced yet strong sense of entitlement when it comes to misperceiving children largely as obedient property to misuse or abuse.
Sexual or otherwise, early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered typically causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some others it includes being simultaneously scared of how badly they will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
Therefore, the wellbeing of all children needs to be of great importance to us all, regardless of whether we’re doing a great job with our own children. Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.” —Childhood Disrupted, pg.228
100 percent. I just got diagnosed with my 3rd autoimmune disorder this month. I’m only 50 & have already had a brain tumor that required surgery, needed a total hip replacement, and two other major surgeries. So much wrong with my health, & honestly, I often wonder if it’s not the early trauma that messed with me on a cellular level.
Wow. This is so powerful. And it makes me wonder, have you read Stephen Mills' memoir, "Chosen: A Memoir of Stolen Boyhood"? He, too, is a beautiful writer and a lovely person and he also understands that law in New York which I do believe you can still access...
Thanks for sharing. Seeing a former high school teacher’s photo posted on a Facebook alumni page, lauded as a great guy, was my moment. I’d always doubted myself, thought I was probably exaggerating, but I had such a visceral response to his photo. I knew I’d been right. I hadn’t been making anything up and probably had been suppressing some stuff. I posted a little bit on that site and while nobody else said anything about that particular teacher, so many classmates posted about other incidents with other teachers.
I read a shocking article, headlined “‘Grave Sexual Abuse’: When the Word Rape Doesn’t Apply To Boys” [by Zahara Dawoodbhoy, 21 Sep 2020], about a South Asian nation/culture in which men have been raping boys with impunity.
There, girls’ vaginal virginity is traditionally/normally verified before an arranged marriage takes place. The ‘virginity’ of boys, however, is never even questioned, and therefore they cannot be sexually ‘spoiled’ or considered raped.
The following relevant segment is taken from the extensive article:
_____
.... “I think there is a myth that it only happens to female children, and that has to do with the cultural aspect of people feeling that rape is a female-related issue,” Sonali Gunasekera, Senior Director of Advocacy at the Family Planning Association (FPA) told Roar Media. “That is probably why this archaic law is still in place — because that's how it was seen from afar.”
Despite this myth, the fact remains that instances where young boys are raped in Sri Lanka are surprisingly frequent. Director of the Child Protection Force, Milani Salpitikorala, says that 90% of her current cases involve young boys, and the idea that the boy child is somehow less susceptible to sexual abuse and rape in this country is completely false.
“Our mindsets are set in a culture of ‘Don’t worry about your child if he is a boy,’ but the boy child is as unsafe in the hands of perpetrators as much as the girl child is, if not more,” she said. ....
Even here in the West, male victims of sexual assault or rape are still more hesitant or unlikely than female victims to report their offenders. They refuse to open up and/or ask for help for fear of being perceived by peers and others as weak or non-masculine.
Men can take care of themselves, and boys are basically little men. One might see some of that mentality reflected in, for example, a New York Times feature story (“She Was a Big Hit on TikTok. Then a Fan Showed Up With a Gun”, February 19, 2022).
Written by Times reporter Elizabeth Williamson, the piece at one point states that “Instagram ... [has] been accused of causing mental and emotional health problems among teenage female users.” A couple paragraphs down, it is also stated that, “Teen girls have been repeatedly targeted by child predators.”
Why write this when she must have known that teen boys are also targeted by such predators? And if mainstream news-media fail to fully realize this fact in their journalism, why would or should the rest of society?
It could also be the same mindset that may explain why the author of Childhood Disrupted included only one male among her six interviewed subjects, there likely having been such a small pool of ACE-traumatized males willing to formally tell his own story of traumatic childhood adversity, especially that of a sexual nature.
To get anywhere, males need to have the same strong mainstream-media (news, social and entertainment) support that females have had for decades, and still do. Males have instead observed thus known that for the most part they haven’t been taken seriously.
To get anywhere, males need to have the same strong mainstream-media (news, social and entertainment) support that females have had for decades, and still do. Males have instead observed thus known that for the most part they haven’t been taken seriously, at least not on this front. If anything, the media are generally cynical toward their cause.
It might be yet more evidence of a continuing yet subtle societal take-it-like-a-man attitude, one in which so many men will choose to abstain from ‘complaining’ about their torturous youth, as that is what ‘real men’ do.
Yes, and I speak about this all the time. It’s hard enough to get people to listen regarding safety of their daughters. It’s way tougher when I talk about boys.
I know many men who’ve suffered this abuse & the stigma is even worse for them.
Have you ever read the short story by Ursula LeGuin, “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”?
It captures CSA except there’s way more than one child bearing this weight.
It's a good question you pose in your piece--why isn't more awareness helping to reduce the numbers? Clearly, we need to be doing more to prevent child abuse. Amazing how something so pervasive in society remains invisible as it goes on.
"To be the child of sexual abuse is to exist inside an eternal paradox" (I think I quoted that right...) WOW. That line got me. I was sexually abused as a child as well and I'm still working on the symptoms and my fear of intimacy. Thank you so much for sharing your story so bravely. The world needs these stories. You're inspiring me to share mine. I've done it in poetry, but never in full story format...
Thank you, Jen, for your courage and for your commitment to paving the way for others who are feeling deeply lonely and unable to explain their experience of "living underwater" day after day, with nightmares on the side. The PTSD is extremely difficult to bear. I discovered great wisdom in Janina Fisher's books, particularly Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, which I strongly recommend as a friend on this often-rocky path. You're doing great! Sending love.
Thank you so much for posting this. Thank you so much for your honesty. And thank you so much for letting yourself access this enough to help others have the answers they need to.
As a childhood survivor, it is so inspiring that you're able to share your story.
I really, really hope your healing can continue and grow. Sending you so much love.
You are a true badass, Jen! I admire you so much. Your story is going to help so many. Sending you healing and justice.
As a moral rule, a mentally as well as a physically sound future should be every child’s foremost fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. Yet, many people still hold a misplaced yet strong sense of entitlement when it comes to misperceiving children largely as obedient property to misuse or abuse.
Sexual or otherwise, early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered typically causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some others it includes being simultaneously scared of how badly they will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
Therefore, the wellbeing of all children needs to be of great importance to us all, regardless of whether we’re doing a great job with our own children. Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.” —Childhood Disrupted, pg.228
100 percent. I just got diagnosed with my 3rd autoimmune disorder this month. I’m only 50 & have already had a brain tumor that required surgery, needed a total hip replacement, and two other major surgeries. So much wrong with my health, & honestly, I often wonder if it’s not the early trauma that messed with me on a cellular level.
That's quite harsh.
Thank you so much. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Thank you. Your sharing is a service of love, not only for the child you are rescuing, but for any who read.
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️🙏🏻
Wow. This is so powerful. And it makes me wonder, have you read Stephen Mills' memoir, "Chosen: A Memoir of Stolen Boyhood"? He, too, is a beautiful writer and a lovely person and he also understands that law in New York which I do believe you can still access...
I will check out his book. Thank you so much for this recommendation.
Thanks for sharing. Seeing a former high school teacher’s photo posted on a Facebook alumni page, lauded as a great guy, was my moment. I’d always doubted myself, thought I was probably exaggerating, but I had such a visceral response to his photo. I knew I’d been right. I hadn’t been making anything up and probably had been suppressing some stuff. I posted a little bit on that site and while nobody else said anything about that particular teacher, so many classmates posted about other incidents with other teachers.
I read a shocking article, headlined “‘Grave Sexual Abuse’: When the Word Rape Doesn’t Apply To Boys” [by Zahara Dawoodbhoy, 21 Sep 2020], about a South Asian nation/culture in which men have been raping boys with impunity.
There, girls’ vaginal virginity is traditionally/normally verified before an arranged marriage takes place. The ‘virginity’ of boys, however, is never even questioned, and therefore they cannot be sexually ‘spoiled’ or considered raped.
The following relevant segment is taken from the extensive article:
_____
.... “I think there is a myth that it only happens to female children, and that has to do with the cultural aspect of people feeling that rape is a female-related issue,” Sonali Gunasekera, Senior Director of Advocacy at the Family Planning Association (FPA) told Roar Media. “That is probably why this archaic law is still in place — because that's how it was seen from afar.”
Despite this myth, the fact remains that instances where young boys are raped in Sri Lanka are surprisingly frequent. Director of the Child Protection Force, Milani Salpitikorala, says that 90% of her current cases involve young boys, and the idea that the boy child is somehow less susceptible to sexual abuse and rape in this country is completely false.
“Our mindsets are set in a culture of ‘Don’t worry about your child if he is a boy,’ but the boy child is as unsafe in the hands of perpetrators as much as the girl child is, if not more,” she said. ....
Source website: https://roar.media/english/life/features/grave-sexual-abuse-when-rape-does-not-apply-to-boys
_____
Even here in the West, male victims of sexual assault or rape are still more hesitant or unlikely than female victims to report their offenders. They refuse to open up and/or ask for help for fear of being perceived by peers and others as weak or non-masculine.
Men can take care of themselves, and boys are basically little men. One might see some of that mentality reflected in, for example, a New York Times feature story (“She Was a Big Hit on TikTok. Then a Fan Showed Up With a Gun”, February 19, 2022).
Written by Times reporter Elizabeth Williamson, the piece at one point states that “Instagram ... [has] been accused of causing mental and emotional health problems among teenage female users.” A couple paragraphs down, it is also stated that, “Teen girls have been repeatedly targeted by child predators.”
Why write this when she must have known that teen boys are also targeted by such predators? And if mainstream news-media fail to fully realize this fact in their journalism, why would or should the rest of society?
It could also be the same mindset that may explain why the author of Childhood Disrupted included only one male among her six interviewed subjects, there likely having been such a small pool of ACE-traumatized males willing to formally tell his own story of traumatic childhood adversity, especially that of a sexual nature.
To get anywhere, males need to have the same strong mainstream-media (news, social and entertainment) support that females have had for decades, and still do. Males have instead observed thus known that for the most part they haven’t been taken seriously.
To get anywhere, males need to have the same strong mainstream-media (news, social and entertainment) support that females have had for decades, and still do. Males have instead observed thus known that for the most part they haven’t been taken seriously, at least not on this front. If anything, the media are generally cynical toward their cause.
It might be yet more evidence of a continuing yet subtle societal take-it-like-a-man attitude, one in which so many men will choose to abstain from ‘complaining’ about their torturous youth, as that is what ‘real men’ do.
Yes, and I speak about this all the time. It’s hard enough to get people to listen regarding safety of their daughters. It’s way tougher when I talk about boys.
I know many men who’ve suffered this abuse & the stigma is even worse for them.
Have you ever read the short story by Ursula LeGuin, “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”?
It captures CSA except there’s way more than one child bearing this weight.
God bless you for sharing. I, too, was molested as a child, thankfully not by my father. It's awful that your family turned their backs on you. I was molested by a doctor when I was four, and I buried the incident in my mind. I wrote about it on Medium. Here's my post, in case you'd like to read it. https://medium.com/@charissetyson/unveiling-repressed-horrors-the-startling-truth-behind-my-recurring-nightmare-74e751f708d5?sk=1f0b6141dff3edb564ca568ef363e8a3
It's a good question you pose in your piece--why isn't more awareness helping to reduce the numbers? Clearly, we need to be doing more to prevent child abuse. Amazing how something so pervasive in society remains invisible as it goes on.
I'm sure most of society is unaware of how huge the number of abused children is. Let's pray for a great awakening and solutions to the problem. 🙏
I’m sorry that you share this history too. I will read your piece.
"To be the child of sexual abuse is to exist inside an eternal paradox" (I think I quoted that right...) WOW. That line got me. I was sexually abused as a child as well and I'm still working on the symptoms and my fear of intimacy. Thank you so much for sharing your story so bravely. The world needs these stories. You're inspiring me to share mine. I've done it in poetry, but never in full story format...
Thank you 🙏🏻
I’m sorry that you share a history of CSA. It’s taken me so long to write about it in a public way. Poetry is healing too ❤️
Thank you, Jen, for your courage and for your commitment to paving the way for others who are feeling deeply lonely and unable to explain their experience of "living underwater" day after day, with nightmares on the side. The PTSD is extremely difficult to bear. I discovered great wisdom in Janina Fisher's books, particularly Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, which I strongly recommend as a friend on this often-rocky path. You're doing great! Sending love.
Thank you, Ceci. I will check out the books. ❤️🙏🏻❤️
Powerful. So sorry this all happened to you and so proud of you for speaking your truth and being so vulnerable. You are an inspiration. ❤️
You're a very strong person, Jen.
Thank you, Daniel.
❤️
Thank you so much for posting this. Thank you so much for your honesty. And thank you so much for letting yourself access this enough to help others have the answers they need to.
As a childhood survivor, it is so inspiring that you're able to share your story.
I really, really hope your healing can continue and grow. Sending you so much love.
Thank you, Neri. Love & light to you too. ❤️🙏🏻❤️